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Composing and Revision Process
Original Text

The following was my first attempt at writing an abstract for my Research Report paper: Many teenagers all around the world use social media apps and websites like Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, ask.fm, Tumblr, and many more for a variety of reasons like sharing and messaging with friends and family, for inspiration in a project they are working on, to share their artistic or musical talents with others, to share a message with others, to see the latest trends, to get support from others who are going through similar issues in their lives, or even just to have fun or cure boredom! There are many more not so innocent ways teens are using social media though. Some examples of this are the following: to bully others, to seek ‘inspiration’ and ‘motivation’ to live an unhealthy lifestyle, to get reassurance from others about their appearance, to get positive attention from others to help them feel better about themselves, to compare themselves to others, to judge others based on appearances, to set up a fake version of themselves and live in that false reality online away from the real world, and many more. Overall, the relationship teenagers have with social media is toxic. Teens unknowingly are putting themselves into extremely dangerous situations that make them even more vulnerable than they are already are without social media apps and websites. Social media is directly linked to a decline in teenagers’ mental, emotional, and physical health with affects consisting of body image issues, low self-esteem, depression, suicidal ideation, suicide, self-harm, unnecessary plastic surgery, and eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia.

Revised Text

The following is my revised, final draft of my abstract for my Research Report paper: Many teenagers all around the world use social media apps and websites like Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, ask.fm, Tumblr, and many more for a variety of reasons like sharing and messaging with friends and family, for inspiration in a project they are working on, to share their artistic or musical talents with others, to share a message with others, to stay aware of all the latest trends, to get support from others who are going through similar issues in their lives, or even just to have fun or cure boredom! Through research, I have found that social media is directly linked to an increase in teenage suicides through an increase in teen selfie sharing, an increase in teenagers’ desire for cosmetic surgery, and easy access for bullies to hurt others from the comfort of their home.

Keywords: social media, cyberbullying, teenagers, body image, self-esteem, depression, suicidal ideation, suicide, self-harm, mental health, cosmetic surgery, plastic surgery, eating disorders.

Reflection

As you can see, my first attempt and my final result are very different. This difference took a lot of work and revision. Although I know the end result is not perfect, I am very proud of myself  for always trying my best and working hard to continuously improve my writing skills. The very first step I took when beginning the revision process was taking a step back. I needed to rework my abstract, but in order to do that, I realized I needed to rework my paper first and figure out what I'm trying to say and accomplish in my paper. Next, I took in my teachers notes after she read my rough draft along with my peers reviews from my classmates to rewrite my abstract. I had to figure out what to say, how to say it, and how much to say. I learned from my teacher and my peers that keeping the abstract to the point, clear, short, and sweet would be most effective in accomplishing my goal in writing this paper to present my research to them. I decided to narrow down my topic to be more specific as I felt the ideas in my abstract were not specific enough and a bit all over the place. Also, I was able to find a balance of summarizing my findings from my research in a way that does not give all the details away to the reader. Lastly, I decided to add keywords as the last step in my revision process. I think adding keywords added a nice touch to help readers have an even better idea of what my paper is about and stay focused.

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